On Self Centeredness by Quarksire

Sumpin’ frum me today cuz i will never be free from alcoholism and it’s affects even though i haven’t drank in over 13 yearz.

Self Centerdness and the recovering addict
kinna of a self rightious suicide if ya ask me!well, an old rocker like me it bringz me to the song of the day fer me from Uriah Heap in the 70’s when i was in high skewl…


~~all the talk bout recovery an what not an pity oh poor me when ya aren’t willing to take the necessary steps to heal and recover well,

yes is self rightious suicide.
self centeredness is an extremely harmful position and state of mind to get into and remain if one is attempting to heal from alcoholism and or drugs or any addiction at all even being addicted to another human being! This is a very hard to read piece for the person that suffers from the thinking disease or alcoholism or drug abuse I am sure…especially if they deny they are an addict but condemn other addictions!
Ya might have to do the 12 steps over this addiction whatevr it is over an over till ya get all the crap outa’ the mind that relates to the so called problem! one is addicted to that one has to get out of the mind, how is that done exactly? is a question i am asked a lot by recovering addicts, and that is a rather long answer yes indeed and would prolly take me an hour to tell ya all i want ya to know bout it depending upon what ya are addicted to and how long etc etc,,circumstances vary, but many things do remain the same , an addiction is a like a bad sore that if ya keep opening up over and over will not heal but jest profusely bleed and possibly get infected, so best thing to do is open the sores,,deal with them using the 4th step technique of doing a moral self seeking fearless internal inventory and start by writing that down on a piece of paper, whats the biggest reason or resentments that cause u to keep making the same ol’ mistakes year after year 4 ever it seems and not being able to recover!…
# 1 main reason i find in recovering alkies and druggies is lack of “forgiveness” in their hearts and minds for others and themselves for what they have done, an in a sense the judgements of thier past makes them what they are now! if ya see what i mean? :)they seem to make excuses , whether fear er love based daily as to why things are the way they are, usually because of a fear based though at heart really, they call it love but fact is it is really fearing the worst all the time on the back side of their reality which therefore creates another reality, putting up fear based walls because of fear and called love on the other side to me is another form of clever mind tricks the mind uses to keep us {MISPERCIEVINMG REALITY] but jest twist it a bit to {JUSTIFY} the actions of abuse on the other side of fear?
Then there are those whom suffer but are to proud and in control of their fixation disease or their habit they live by…Those are the “controlled alcoholics” or the “controlled user” whatver it might be,,,even the person who is addicted to overthinking reality well, ends up eventually becoming bi-polar and diseased in thought form – believe it er not. Can make excuses like oh but it relaxes me or it makes me feel good…. But do u have any idea why u feel thata way!? { arenm’t ya really jest escaping the reality you do not like!} All the whilst ur mind won’t stop the “thinking disease”..most alkies and druggies suffer from what I call that jest that” the thinking disease” …Given enuff years of drinking the juice of alcohol! It does become a very apparent problem, especially for the deductive analytical drinker. They can justify every glass of wine and beer and drink they take, as a herion user justifies the next shot! And also justify every fearbased action they take as a result egoically.
I did 26 years……….many a time over an over I would say ok that was it and I quit , lol…then the next week id be at the liquor store buying a bottle,,,never to go for many days without the juice in my system, after a while the body become dependant upon the alcohol for many things, an well, no matter how much U WANT TO stop drinking u find it impossible to do so!.
An oh yeah they say if ya go back out ya pick up where ua left off well, u can go try to prove to urself that this fact is wrong I tried, I faILED,,I found out every time I stopped when I did go back to the “problem” I thought was a cure well, it kicked my ass even lower every new round I went. was a loosing battle, and if I did not stop drinking I would surely be dead this very day!,,an if not I would not be very sane …..
Also if I did not get on the correct frequency of Heart well then also I would possibly not be aloive, to be on the correct heart frequency is a hard things to do if ya haven’t done ur steps, if ur heart {mind} ain’t in the right correct spot well, the resentments and the fears of past experiences will haunt u forevr, is a plain fact of matter I have observed in my many years of dealing with and also being a recovering addict myself.
Back to the title of todays rant; Self Centerdness, ? what is it really and do u suffer from it even if ya “think” u do not?
Always right an arbitrary is a thing well, I have a hard time not being judgemental bout, attention seekers that think they are not that at all, trouble makers who think and really believe they make no trouble, or those who are liars by deception, but well they really don’t lie do they lol. When they say I love on one hand and on the other judge everything they see ? is a living dsichitomy ya know, …well, lotsa folks mess up and mix up egotism and narcissistic behavior as being the same thing , when in fact they are not , jest go to Wikipedia and browse the 2 werds, so those whom try to justify their thinking disease and say they are at peace, when they are really not deep inside, well, they are also jest hipocrytes in their own mind to themselves, kinna goes against my greatest creed of all time fer me .
SO ANYHOW THIS ALL STARTED IN MY MIND WHEN SOMEONE TOLD ME, when I tried to get them interested in sharing their stuff on other pages and lewking at what others were doing that was similar,and to get involved with the right kind of people,,, the response was,,,” I don’t care what other people do! “ ….so is when I notice things like the disease of “ME-It is”….which is so very prevelant through mankind right now…a form of egotism and self centerdness, that well, I guess I can’t be a part of ,,,cuz well I prefer to promote a healthy ego that has been controlled like a wild horse, and then I can do what I enjoy, even if it hurts sometimes , lol…well cuz I do suffer from a disease an invisible illness that no one can really see but gives me pain 24/7 and well …..my deal is to jest to…
“fake it till ya make it”
Cuz well when I share my pain it seems to hurt others , somehow some way, empathy is hard one to find on this planet in my werld these days, seems though judgements and negative fear based criticisms and one way belief systems are still very prevelant throughout the Werld, I can only do my part to assist and help the self centered on change if they wish to, if not well is like helping someone who drinks repetitously and a lot to soothe the pains of life right,,, but they only drink wine or beer lol.. not the hard stuff, how freaking funny to me cuz well alcohol is alcohol all there is to it , is just the amount that creates the intensity, but well, those are still ADDICTED to their drink,,,, and mind suffers the thinking disease with er without it appears…..is what caused the whole problem to start with ,,that thinking disease justified by so many today to be in the midst of crazy thoughts and people and judgements and re actions and all and all well, to make an excuse for why we do not or cannot still the mind and be at peace , well simply not sane to me,,,funny how though when ya are a practicing alcoholic ya don’t realize that the whole werld sees ur great big cover up , that has grown to be a bottle or 2 a week or more, or jest enuff to keep that buzz on ,,,and keep the stinkin’ thinkin’ going lol…all the good thoughts thought up, as a result, are jest answers to ones own fears is all in the end 😦  sad story for the ones whom are captulated and controlled by the GREAT DECEIVER! Himself..to take away all that was to be good in their life and make pain an misery of it instead, all because of fearful painful diseased mis’ perceptions……. Well…
2 points to my day are these two thingz.



Take it Easy!

~Especially if ya are dependant on wine beer or booze!
In the end karma & darhma of it all will be this
Especially if u are the self centered one
,,,that is a
CAUSAL AFFECTOR………for the werld to Observe.
Where an when delighting, defending and preserving the ego is more important than
For if they could see themselves, that is what they would really call a sin
Since the werd sin was greek for off the mark ! in a game called darts 4000 years ago! Well go figure huh….
Or are u true to urself
Well u don’t have to tell me,if I tellya allbout it, well u won’t really believe me till ya have experienced it, but then I wunder like me so many times in the past years ago it was but I know that rerfused to accept that all the while I was pointing fingers at others in my life I should have been pointing 10 fingers back at myself.
~ SO ~
Jest ur god and urself and well, ur conscience u a can fool and lie to forevr but ya can’t fool the REAL MIND of GOD*************
Is how we percveive god that’s another whole topic? AND
So goes back to the articles I have written bout perceptions of god and who an what god is. Have a great memorial day weekend everyone , is where this one came from is
PS: PLEASE don’t take anything I have said as personal or meant for “YOU” if it somehow offends u well, then it might be time to well take that one finger …point it back at your self with the other 10
An simply get a grip or well, on the other hand ya could jest make an excuse for all things, justify it all with the excapisism of
“one MORE DRINK” jest one more lol,
well, seriously folks ,
this guy an alkie for 26 years now sober frum alcohol and its affects for over 13 well,
I know better!
NEVER EJUFF 😦  oh whoa is me as I tie on another pass out!..always ends the same,
To wake another day to the same troubles I drank and thought away the night before.
Is what it is huh for some, well, we either get a grip or we don’t is all there is to it.
Enjoy ur experience, some say there not here to have fun!
But well, I am! Even though I am ill and sick, an physically in pain a lot
I’ll make the most fun outa’ what life I do got left.
Why bring and spread that misery and pain all over the werld and façade it as a love?
For I don’t love my pain or urs, or anyone elses for that matter of fact, is jest sumpin we gots to get through if we goit it, Spot it ya got it! They used to say , well, I had it bad for 26 years so I spot it easy, all I can do is pray for the recovering or to be recovering alkie to come around the bend of reality and see my new, if not a bit different approach to healing and perception and disease and the way we lewk at life.
Love 2 all , an especially SOME!
Over an out frum



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