The Myth Of Love As Codependency

The division between men and women, and the lack of self-understanding, has perpetuated many limiting ideas and strategies toward love and marriage.

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Many unions do not survive due to role limitations and dependency upon one another, including the unspoken expectation of one member to have the other member meet their needs. Resentment, anger, and contempt are inevitable if one plays the game, and the other benefits but does not reciprocate. Dysfunction will most certainly result unless both parties are responsible for and expressive about meeting their own needs. What happens then is the energy flow narrows and eventually closes off and love diminishes.

Too often the resentment one partner bares toward the other remains just below the surface where it smolders in an ongoing fashion like a fire beneath a former coal mining town, until the aggregate of all negative feelings breaks the surface and consumes the history of the relationship, resulting in irreparable damage. Or if it does not result in this explosion of expression, it slowly but surely builds a wall of separation on a day by day basis.

Many recommended, but limiting, rules of the marital union reinforce the confusion. The word compromise, for example, means to negotiate a common win-win solution. Compromise does not mean one gives up what they need in honor of another. It does not mean meeting someone half way, somewhere between what each desires, for neither is a single lifestyle. “Self-less” living does not mean giving up one’s needs in order to serve those of another—it is not about martyring one’s self, gracefully losing a win-lose competition, so another can win. It means rising above the competitive self-preservationary impulses to accommodate all three purposes for self and others. It means melding all parts of each self and designing a lifestyle of common Co-operative Goals:

A union between two people is a dynamic thing w/operative goals.
, growing with the passing of time because that is the desire and intent of both. This can only happen if both see the value of this growth. It need not sacrifice the evolving process either physically, mentally or spiritually. Rather, when each serves as a welcome mirror to the other’s progress, that intimacy can grow while respect remains intact.

Jest fewd fer thought anyhew πŸ™‚ ….

Have a splendid one!

Q

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8 thoughts on “The Myth Of Love As Codependency

    • ThanQ for taking the time to read! i do sp very much appreciate that; glad U enjoyed it πŸ™‚ , i try not to bore people with repeated things over an over πŸ™‚ .laterz Mike πŸ™‚

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  2. Reblogged this on Quarksire and commented:

    *** jEST A REMINDER TO ALL THOSE THAT HAVEN’T READ MY RANTS ON CO-DEPENDENCY…well…wordpress won’t let me open editor yet!? so Christmas coming up an update to my closest friends…my son an his wife had a newborn daughter upon the snows here an her name is winter” been a bit bummed though because i had to find out by 3rd party..but those of u that know him might want to give him a jingle…So there is a time when everyone has to finally choose to not only be a good son or daughter but also a good father or mother..to them i hope they do not fall into the many traps that destroy so many young loving marriages these days…so god bless all the new souls an new life an new love an old loves an old life also in my werld is all i can say…….Anyhow the lady in my life showed me an told me today an convinced me today of how special this holiday season of giving an receiving is …an how rewarding it can be to help another that needs help…She today reminded me of what Christmas was all bout ..an my son reminded me today of what LOVE 7 LIFE an being a father an grandfather means to me in my life πŸ™‚
    .PEACE -OUT WERLD..
    GET UR SHOPPIN DONE IF YA HAVEN’T IF YA GOT A SPECIAL OTHER TO GIVE TO IF NOT GIVE UR HEART AN WELL….THATS MORE IMPORTANT BY FAR!.AS {SHE} REMINDS ME OF WHAT cHRISTMAS IS ALL BOUT!..(besides shoveling snow lol} an being stranded 4 weeks …
    .AN also {she} reminded me that THE HOLY SPIRITS WITHIN..
    .Namaste’ to one an all frum da’ Q ….
    …………………………………………….~~~*(*@*@*)********

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